Kids say the craziest things

I teach English in Japan, and many of my students are children. They can be a lot of fun, or they can be very frustrating at times. But they can also say some of the funniest things in English. Here is a sample:

“I am garbage!” was randomly said by a boy.

When being told about “Be quiet, please,” a girl said “Shut up, please.”

One kid has a fascination with bodily functions. We were talking about ice cream flavours he liked, and he said “I like doodoo ice cream.”

When spelling out 6, many kids will say “s-e-x.” I wouldn’t be surprised if the knew what they were saying.

One girl keeps accidentally saying “block scissors paper.”

I was drawing a family tree on the board to talk about family members, when a girl drew a heart between my sister and I, then said “Jay Dee loves sister? Love love!”

When I ask if the kids can guess my age, many say 25-30, but one said 50. I’m 35, by the way. Most think I’m younger than I am.

And one more. A kid proudly exclaimed to me, “I am Japan!” The other kids burst out laughing.

If you teach kids, what are some of the funniest things they’ve said to you?

Relabeling the seasons

I find that one of the most humourous comments I hear from people in Japan is that Japan is special because it has four seasons.  For some reason, many Japanese people think it’s unique to Japan.  But now that summer is upon us, I’ve been thinking about the seasons in the Tokyo area.  They’re not really as well defined as people claim they are.  Winter isn’t very winter-like.  Early autumn can be quite hot.  Even late autumn is still very comfortable, while in Canada, it’s freezing and snowing.  So, I thought I’d relabel the seasons in Tokyo from an Edmonton, Alberta point of view.

Let’s start with where we are now.  While it’s early summer now, it’s in the middle of rainy season.  It’s also a lot warmer than it usually gets in Edmonton.  So, from early June to mid-July, it shall now be known as “Rainy Sauna.” It’s humid and daytime is pretty damn warm.  From mid-July to late September, the season is now called “Broil.” The heat from above is intense, and no matter where you go, whether in the shade or the sun, it’s extremely hot and humid.  October is now known as “Summer.” It’s quite like Edmonton’s summer.  November and December are known as “Autumn.”  It’s quite beautiful and comfortable.  November is still very mild, while December gets the leaves changing colour.  January is now known as “False Winter.”  It doesn’t usually snow, but it is still cold.  Above freezing, though.  It’s not a true Canadian winter.  February to April is known as “Spring.” The flowers are blooming and the trees start turning green.  Just like early spring in Canada, it can snow and be cold, but the signs of spring are always there.  Finally, we have May, when the season shall now be known as “Summer.”  What’s that?  Two summers?  May and October are the closest we get to a Canadian summer here.  It’s warm and sunny and quite comfortable.

For those of you who don’t like to read, here’s a handy list of the seasons starting in January:

• False Winter – January
• Spring – February to April
• Summer (1) – May
• Rainy Sauna – June to mid-July
• Broil – mid-July to September
• Summer (2) – October
• Autumn – November to December

So there it is, Japan’s unique 7 seasons.

Just a note: This is the first day of my attempt to make a post a day in July.