Kindness and Rudeness on the Way to the Nursery

I just had a mostly unpleasant trip to my daughter’s nursery.

It started off with getting on a full bus with no available seats. I was carrying my daughter, and several people looked at me. I stood near the back door for about a minute, then was pleasantly surprised when a young man gave up his seat for me. +5 points!

As I sat there riding the bus, the lady beside me got up at her stop. Keep in mind that I was sitting in the priority seat. There were several elderly people standing on the bus and the seat next to mine was the only available seat. Not one of them sat next to me. This could be for 2 reasons. First and probably the biggest reason is I had a toddler sitting on my lap. I know I avoid those seats. Second reason, and more unlikely, is that I’m a foreigner. This is that phenomenon that affects many foreigners in Japan, the empty seat syndrome. This actually never happens to me on the bus, so I’d say it was my daughter. The worst part was when one elderly woman spotted the seat, went for it, then noticed my daughter and I. She quickly looked away and stood a couple metres away from me looking around awkwardly. -5 points.

The bus ride continued when someone finally sat beside me. My daughter touched her and the woman said it was okay and smiled. +2 points.

Then a man across from us looked over and said she was cute. This happens a lot, actually. +2 points.

After getting off the bus, we were crossing at a crosswalk with an approaching white car traveling on a parallel course with us. He then suddenly turned directly in front of us without signaling, coming about 50 cm from hitting us. I got a good look at him. A middle-aged man with dyed brown hair, kind of mullet style, gold-rimmed tinted glasses, and lots of gold jewelry. There’s no way he didn’t see us. I was furious! -100 points.

Final score: -96

2012 Picture of the Week (50/52) – Imported

Japan has a lot of traditional culture, but it also has a lot of imported culture.  One example is Christmas.  However, it’s not entirely the same as in western countries.  For example, it’s a day for couples to go on a date, or for children to receive gifts, whereas in Canada, it’s a day for family and everyone gets gifts.  Also, Japanese people often eat Kentucky Fried Chicken on Christmas.  Turkey is difficult to find in Japan, and even if they do, not everyone has an oven to roast it with.  And if they do have an oven, it’s often not even big enough for a turkey!  So, getting KFC is an alternative.  But one thing’s the same, decorations.  They’re everywhere!  On my way home, I took a picture of this tree made of Christmas lights outside a factory.

Merry Christmas from a factory.

A rare sight: Outspoken woman on the train

Yesterday, as I was going home, I was a witness to a rare event in Japan. A woman protested a man’s harassment.

It’s very well known that Japan’s trains, when crowded, have some perverted men (chikan) who will sexually harass a woman physically. Most of these women will remain silent, not wanting to make a scene. Well, I saw a woman who wouldn’t take it.

Actually, this woman wasn’t touched. She was sitting across from a middle-aged businessman who was reading a book and occasionally looking up at her. She was in her mid to late 20s, and dressed rather conservatively. Just before the train came to her station, she shouted, without looking at anyone, something along the lines of “Stop staring at me, please!” Less than a minute later, she stood up and rushed off the train. Some people looked, but most seemed to ignore the whole thing. Even the accused man just kept reading his book.

It’s interesting seeing very little reaction from people in that situation. In Canada, everyone would be staring at him.

On a related note, a couple months ago, I saw a middle-aged man sitting beside a young woman who was wearing a very short skirt. The man kept turning his head to look at her, and once stared at her for a good 15 seconds, then scanned his eyes all the way down her body to her legs, which he stared at for a few seconds. He did this openly, and anyone could’ve seen him doing it. But usually, people are in their own worlds on the train, totally oblivious to what is going on around them. It’s likely I was the only person to notice. He stared at her, I stared at him. She didn’t notice.

Baby crazy in Japan

Japan is going through what many other countries are going through, a lower birth rate and an aging population.  Women are less interested in getting married and having children in Japan, and are more focused on their careers or personal lives.  But there’s something interesting that I’ve noticed.  Japanese women are actually crazy about babies.

I see it all the time.  Whenever women in Japan see babies, something comes over them, and they keep saying “kawaii.”  While out today with my family, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women commenting about how my daughter is cute.  One older woman came up to us and our friend, who also has a baby, and touched their feet.  That was a bit of a surprise.

But it happens a lot at work, too.  Some students want to see pictures of my daughter, and even the high school students get excited and exclaim “kawaii!”

Does this happen this much elsewhere?  I find that a lot of Japanese people tend to verbalize their feelings, especially about it being hot, cold or feeling tired.  It’s summer now, and all I hear people saying is that it’s hot, stating the obvious.  But you’ll hear women talking about babies that they see within earshot of the parents.  I don’t recall that happening in Canada so much.

Hina Matsuri, the Doll Festival

Hina Matsuri is also known as the Doll Festival or Girls’ Day in Japan.  It’s a celebration of girls and held on March 3rd.  Traditionally, dolls were set afloat down a river to take away the bad spirits.  On this day, families with daughters display a tiered platform with red carpet and many dolls, including the Emperor and Empress, musicians, court ladies and many traditional tools and furniture.  In my family, we have a small set, which isn’t as elaborate as the full set, but it is quite nice to look at.  The display is set up in late February and taken down immediately after the festival.  Superstition says that if it is left out too long after the festival, the daughter will marry late.

Take a look at our Hina Doll set.

This is our Hina Doll set. It's a miniature set, so less elaborate than one of the big ones.

At the top are the Emperor and Empress. There are some lamp stands and a gold folding screen. The next level has the 3 court ladies, all holding sake equipment.

The third platform has 5 male musicians, including taiko drum, otsuzumi (large drum), kotsuzumi (small drum), the flute and a singer with a folding fan.

The fourth platform has 2 diamond shaped rice cakes and a couple of miniature trees, mandarin orange on the left and cherry on the right. The fifth platform shows various tools and furniture.

This is a miniature chest of drawers.

On the left are a couple of hibachi, I believe. On the right is a mirror stand.

Not exactly sure what these are, but my guess is for cooking.

The sixth platform has some more tools. The seventh platform has some food and drink.

This is a kago, or a kind of vehicle that is carried by two people. The passengers sit inside.

This is a chest for storing kimonos.

And this is a carriage pulled by an ox.

This is hina arare, which contains puffed rice and sugar candy.

This is gelatin in 3 coloured layers, pink, white and green.

This is a kind of peach juice.

If you live in Japan and have a daughter, do you also have a Hina Doll set?

The tradition of gift money

Japan is a country famous for gifts.  People give gifts on many occasions, and I’ve received gifts from students so many times I’ve lost count.  Usually, it’s food.  But with the birth of my daughter, I’ve received baby-themed gifts.  I like receiving gifts like this.  On the other hand, there’s gift money.

Gift money is given to new parents by family and relatives.  This is also done at New Year’s.  Family gives gift money to children.  However, by my definition, the Japanese gift money tradition is not really a gift.  My wife and I have received gift money from her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.  It’s been quite helpful for paying for many baby related things, including clothes, supplies, and paying for the birth itself.  Now that she’s home and the gift giving has died down, her family is expecting something in return.  What they now expect is for us to use half of the gift money to buy them gifts.  That’s right, they give us money to buy them gifts after we’ve already used the money during the most financially difficult time we’ve ever had.  This is something that both my wife and I really dislike about Japan’s gift tradition.  While we appreciate their generosity, as the money did help us a lot, it seems inconceivable from my cultural background that we are now required to buy expensive gifts for everyone that gave us money.  Sure, it seems like it’s returning the favour as a thank you.  But we’re in the middle of a difficult time financially, and we need to be able to save as much as possible for the coming months.  Raising a child is expensive, and the last thing we need is to spend money on gifts for family.  Maybe I sound ungrateful to some of my Japanese readers, but you have to understand the situation of new parents.

Here’s the most irritating thing.  They want the gifts as soon as possible.  They want it immediately.  If we don’t give gifts in return, they won’t say anything to us, but they will complain a lot to my wife’s parents.  We don’t want her parents to have to deal with angry relatives that want gifts from a couple of new parents who can’t really afford to give them gifts.  It seems like it’s more important for my in-laws to get gifts than for us to have financial security.

Thank you very much, Japanese gift money tradition.  You sure know how to screw over new parents.  End of rant.